erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
