She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize