come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
