where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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