then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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