he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
