yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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