i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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