I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
