Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
