hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
