these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
