your parents love me but you hate me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
