i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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