I'm pants shitting drunk right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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