I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
