so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
