Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
