I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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