9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
