I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
