she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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