Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize