life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
