No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
