dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
