Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
