I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
