Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Quick, to the slutcave!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just invented taco cereal.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
