Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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