my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
