What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
