I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
