can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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