you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
