bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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