so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We talked him into tasing himself.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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