I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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