mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
