I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
