Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
