Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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