I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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