that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
