woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
