I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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