Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
