is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Who wears a wallet chain?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
