Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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