after a month anything with tits is on the radar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
