the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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