i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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