just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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