U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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