I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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