Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
