This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's rum buckets o'clock
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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