i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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