i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
