wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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