That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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