as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
