Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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