Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize