the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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