3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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