i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
