wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
