is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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