Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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