Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

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(619): View more from California

You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.

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(940): View more from Texas

Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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(740): View more from Ohio

he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.

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(+66): View more from Thailand

We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.

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