you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
