If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
