you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
