I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
