apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
