If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
