Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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