so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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