textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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