The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
