it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
